Thanksgiving in retrospect

Today was Thanksgiving in Canada, But for this American transplant it seem so weird luckily I will be able to spend Thanksgiving in the states this year. I so need a trip home. It has been over a year since I have been here. What am I thankful for? What should I be thankful for? My health...... Well that has improved with not working. Or has it? I am more dependent than I have ever been in my life. Is that good for my psyche? I have a wonderful husband...... Yes my hubby is a wonderful man but he is without flaws (some of which drive me nuts). Having a new family..... Well in a previous post I mentioned the disappointment of new said family. They can do some very wonderful things however. I am going through a serious period of really trying to figure out who I am. You would think being in my 30 sometimes I would know that already. Hence I don't!!!
I have a lot going through my head. Children...Am I destined to be childless? I just want an answer so I can go on with my life and accept the inevitable. What do I want to be when I grow up? I think of all these things I want to do but the thought of going to school scares the ever living crap out of me. Who wants to sit in a class with 18-21 yr olds when they look at you in almost a mom sense and you feel like a mom without the children. I would love to start my own business. But how? Where do I start? What do I do? I don't have the 1st clue about it. Doesn't it take money? Hello penniless?????? What are you thinking. How could you do that? Your f'd up. I need to move past the ghosts from my past that make me so negative and embrace the good in me. (there is good in there somewhere there has too be?) Why have I not made friends here? What is so not likeable about me that people don't wish to spend time with me unless they are old enough to be my mom or dad?

Ok enough rambling no one is reading this anyway hence no comments from random
people wandering through.